Notes to My Man

Written on 08.06.09 in a small square in the city.

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I walked through our sleepy city this morning. Even though it was almost empty, I was stifled by the memories of you, every street, every smell. From the moment I stepped out from the bus station I was affronted by a backpacker, complete with a white framed BMX. Unlike you, he remembered to bring it with him. I saw an older couple walking, arm in arm, just as we had two and a half months earlier.

Two more weeks and it will have been six months ago that I met you. Is that scary? Time really does fly if you're not careful. Having said that, in six months time I'll see you again. Given the last six have gone this fast, it still seems such a long way off.

I discovered a quiet square, hidden away behind the office buildings. On my left is the city church, Anglican I think. It's lovely in it's antiquity, it has a steeple and lead light windows that would be the height of a house, just on their own. Even that reminds me of you, the age of it makes me think of where you live. It reminds me of my impatience to see you, to have my turn at playing the tourist in your home town. It reminds me of those words I said, then apologised for, but never took back.

This morning brought tears to my eyes, that hasn't happened in a while. I thought, "Well, we've made it through ten weeks already. Three more sets of these and I'm all yours." Or you're all mine, whatever. We'll be saying "Hey Lover" and it won't be in a text, it won't be in an email, it won't be to an image on a computer screen. It will be to your face, one I can hold and stare at and take in, all over again.

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I'm sorry if I've been a little overwhelming lately, I've been a little overwhelmed myself. It physically feels like there's this thing inside trying to claw it's way out of my chest. I know it sounds strange but there you have it. I'm full up inside & I need to get it out.

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