Thirty Weeks

We're almost into the 20's of weeks to go! How sad is it that I'm excited about that? Don't answer.

After everything that happened this week, I was trying to figure out why it was getting so dysfunctional. You know what I think it is? Apart from the whole long distance thing?

We don't get the new stuff. We don't get to go to the movies, we don't get to go hang out on the weekend, we don't get to be together, but also in the company of friends, we can't really flirt, or call when we feel like it. We don't get any of the normal new 'couple' stuff. It went from nothing, to this. The only contact we have is via the web, and a once a week Skype session. It sucks big time.

Now I think about it, I remember saying it was cool that we each have our own lives, am I allowed to change my mind? It's not so cool anymore. I don't know what you think, but I want to be a part of your life, not just some person that emails you all the time.

This won't be easy, LDR's never are, and that's a common fact, we just have to make us one of the statistics that proves they work. One week at a time, we'll get there.

This sounds more negative than I'm feeling, I'm ok, honest, just a realisation I wanted to put out there. How do we have the new stuff when we can't do any of it? Create our own? Meh. I love you just the same.

X (P.S. I want to make you have to count to ten)

Wish

X

Well hello there. So iv just got back from the hh party and im completely fucked. All i can think about is how much i wont a cuddle rite now. Love u baby u have no idea how happy it makes me to be able to say that. X

Too Cute Not to Post

Found here

Far Away Boy,

For now maybe these 900 4998 miles are good for you.

If you were here, your ribs would break with how much I’d squeeze you, your lips would chap with how much I’d kiss you, your lungs would collapse when I exhausted you with dancing and pulled you by the hand all over the place to every corner of the beautiful, beautiful world.

So I guess, if we’re trying to stay positive, it’s good that you get a breather? I don’t know who I’m kidding. We should be together every damn second, starting 100 years ago.

— On My Way

X

Trouble

O no, I see,
A spider web is tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I'd said.

O no, what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
So I turn to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done,

And I never meant to cause you trouble,
I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
And oh no, I never meant to do you harm.

O no, I see,
A spider web and it's me in the middle,
So I twist and turn,
Here am I in my little bubble,

Singing I, I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I, I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh, no I never meant to do you harm.

They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me.

What if I got it wrong

Coldplay

Thanks M

She found this for me - but it was adorable & it's true & I just had to post it.

X

X

Untitled

Because she's useless without ghosts to chase

Because I can't think of life without you

Because I fuck things up

Because I do want this to work

Because I want nothing less

Because I freak out

Because I love you

Because you're so far away

Because I want to be 'that girl'

Because I don't know who that is for you

Because I want you to be happy, with or without me

Because I'm selfish and would rather it be with me

Because you deserve the best

Because I'm willing to do the hard yards, if you are too

Because I love you

Unconditionally.

X

Fabriclive37. Track 29.

It's True

I made this up last week, it doesn't feel quite so true today. The thought of you is breaking my heart.

[edit @ 4:21pm] I'm a lot better this afternoon. I may or may not have freaked out a little over last week. The thought of you is back to making me smile. I put our picture up at work, it's the same one I have next to my bed, I love seeing you all day. I'm listening to this song at the moment, I know I've sent you the lyrics before but once again it's strangely appropriate. Not in the same way as before, but appropriate nonetheless. You know me, I love to lose my mind. Hope you had a great day. I love you. [/edit]

X

Thirty1 Weeks

The weeks are beginning to pass faster. Each weekend comes around quicker than the last. This week I didn't hear from you quite as much, but I coped. In fact, I had a good week, and a great weekend.

I hope today went well for you, I really do. I can't wait to hear ALL about it. It's such a great opportunity and one you really deserve; I'm so proud & can't wait to see what comes of it.

6 weeks ago I posted a diary entry, part of it was brought back to mind today. I've got to be honest, I have my concerns and they're a little more grounded after the week just gone. I don't want to have them, I truly don't, and it breaks my heart.

This is running rings in my head tonight, maybe check my other blog tomorrow too - the explanation is there.

X

Little Bit

Uh ooh ooh uh ooh ooh uh ooh oooh
Uh ooh ooh uh ooh ooh uh ooh oooh

Hands down, I'm too proud, for love
But with eyes shut, it's you I'm thinking of
But how we move from A to B it can't be up to me
Cause I don't know
Eye to eye, thigh to thigh, I let go


I think I'm a little bit, little bit
A little bit in love with you
But only if you're a little bit
Little bit, little bit
In lalalala love with me
Oh ah

Uh ooh ooh uh ooh ooh uh ooh oooh
Uh ooh ooh uh ooh ooh uh ooh oooh

And for you I keep my legs apart
And forget about my tainted heart
And I will never ever be the first to say it
But still I, yeah you know, I..I..I..

I would do it
Push the button, pull the trigger
Climb a mountain, jump off a cliff
Cause you know baby I love you love you
A little bit

If you would do it, if you would say it
If you would mean it, that we could do it
If it was you and I, not only I
Ha hm

I think I'm a little bit, little bit
A little bit in love with you
But only if you're a little bit
Little bit, little bit
In lalalala love with me

I think I'm a little bit, little bit
A little bit in love with you
But only if you're a little bit
Little bit, little bit
In lalalala love with me
Ah oh

Come here, stay with me
Stroke me by the hair
Cause I would give anything
Anything, to have you as my man

Come here, stay with me
Stroke me by the hair
Cause I would give anything
Anything, to have you as my man

Little bit, little bit
A little bit in love with you
But only if you're a little bit
Little bit, little bit
In lalalala love with me

I think I'm a little bit, little bit
A little bit in love with you
But only if you're a little bit
Little bit, little bit
In lalalala love with me

I think I'm a little bit, little bit
A little bit in love with you
But only if you're a little bit
Little bit, little bit

Little bit, little bit
Little bit, little bit
Little bit...

Lykke Li

A Reminders of You

These are self explanatory - don't you think?

Because it's an old town, he's wearing a beanie, and so is she, because it's been snowing, like it did last Winter, because they're so adorabley cute.

~A reminder and a wish~

Maybe I should get some shoes like that...

The messy hair, the tux jacket, the skinny jeans, the bike in the corner of the picture (yeah, I know it's not a 'proper' bike).

~A gorgeous reminder of you~

A late addition, but so completely necessary.

He even looks like you! Hoody, skinny jeans, drinking tea, holding it the way you do, sitting on the roof of an old house.

Gorgeous.

X

Hey. Im sorry i havent emailed AGAIN works bin fuckin savage this week i feel like shit im hoping im just tired. Its times like this id give anything just to be with you. X

Don't Stress

This week has been GRAND.

Work's busy, I'm making the most of my evenings, I'm out of the office tomorrow and I have plans for the weekend.

I'm happy, and should be in a far better mood the next time we talk.

X

8 Weeks...

...ago today, we spent the entire day together. Seventeen hours straight. I can't believe it was the last time I saw you. The photos are still on my bed side table.

Walking all over town, laying on my bed, talking about nothing, being silly, holding hands, taking photos, drinking tea, discovering stores, watching the world go by, driving to God knows where, delaying the inevitable, almost oblivious to the fact that we weren't going to see each other again for such a very. long. time.

I would give anything to spend another day like that with you.


X

Hey baby only me. Just thought id send u a text as i didnt get a chance to email you tonyt. Have an awesome day hun i can tell its guna be twice as rad as a brillow pad :-). Love you muchly. X

About Yesterday...

Perhaps I should get this tattoo next? Clearly I need the constant reminder.

I can't apologise enough, but having said that, this will be my last apology, albeit a permanent one. I feel like I've screwed things up. I told you I would, didn't I? Just tell me I'm wrong...

Be patient with me. I handle things differently & there is a lot I'm yet to share.

I'm slowly realising that even though I have this blog & I email you all the time & we talk every week, there is a lot you don't know. They're not really important things, but they're part of who I am. They infiltrate parts of my life without me realising. I don't know whether I'm supposed to accept them & behave as normal, or try to change them, & in doing so, change me.

If I'm honest with myself, I'm scared to tell you because I have no idea what your reaction will be. If I don't tell you, there's no reaction to be worried about is there? It probably sounds ridiculously bad, I assure you it's not.

There are reasons I am the way I am. There are the traits you know & love, and there are the traits you don't know...

Why did I even start writing this post!? I'm not a bad person. I just think really differently to a large majority of people my age. That's all.

X

Thirty2 Weeks

This long distance thing sucks. The time difference is a pain in the ass. The lack of contact is frustrating. I'm pissing myself off. I can't stand my flaws this week. I'm trying like heck to not let them get to me, but it's not working. I'm not fine all the time. I feel like I'm supposed to be. This past week I've been less fine than normal, if at all. It's a mindset thing, and one I've had my whole life. I'm trying to change it, but it's freaking hard.

X

I love you something cronik you no that right. X

A Reminder of You

Just 'cause that's how I sleep these days.

X

Hillarys - Take 1

I’d already decided before picking him up that we’d go to Hillarys, a local beach side community. Shops, bars, restaurants, a baby show ground, water slides & of course, the beach itself. It’s a one of those places you just have to go if you’re here. The main thing I wanted him to try was Cold Rock, an ice creamery that sells a variety of flavours of ice cream as well as condiments they mix in for you. The condiments are things like chocolate bars, fruit sauce and more lollies than you could poke a stick at. The possible combinations are endless.

The intention was to have dinner, head over to Cold Rock, but after walking past all the restaurants and not making a decision, we resorted to having dessert for dinner. We had similar combinations, and a favourite of mine. We picked English Toffee ice cream and his with a Mars bar and mine with a Snickers.

Now here’s something you may not know, England doesn’t get debilitating heat waves, their birds are miniature (so apparently ours are big) and they also lack Cherry Ripes. So when he spied the container holding the bars, just waiting to be mixed into some tasty ice cream where I’ve got to let you in, his arrival in Australia introduced him to more than just the heat and oversized birds, it also introduced him to our humble Cherry Ripe; a chocolate bar they don’t have in the UK. Not one to crush a guys dreams of Cherry Ripe and ice cream, I promised we would return in the future.

After about 7pm at Hillarys, the only stores open are restaurants. Being quite satisfied with our ice cream we went to my house. The settlement had only occurred two days prior and I was overcome with pride. It was still in the process of being fixed up before I moved in, I didn’t care, I just wanted to show it off. There was the tour of the place, the explanation of the changes that were to be made; I was just bursting at the seams with excitement. He was really, genuinely pleased for me. I couldn’t have asked for a better reaction, he even envisaged the place with the all changes, imagining it with his stuff instead of mine.

We grabbed a couple chairs (left by the previous owner) and sat on the balcony. We watched the lights move on the horizon, checked out the stars in the sky, talked about what we wanted to do as careers and life in general. The memory of this night isn’t as clear as the others, but I know we chatted like really old friends. At one point, he went out on the balcony; he was leaning on the railing, giving the view a once over. The thought that crossed my mind was how much I wanted to walk up and put my arms around him. I put my mind back in check & chose to be satisfied just standing by his side.

Eventually, we made a move, and of course, because it was about 11pm and we hadn’t had dinner, we got hungry. We stopped in at the late night burger place near his place to pick something up before heading to his place. We resumed our positions on the couch, ate and chatted some more. I’m not quite sure how we managed to talk so much; we were together for about 6 hours at a time, each time. Even still, when the time came for me to go, the shared thought was that it was too soon.

X

I'm Not

I'm not standing next to you
not holding your hand
I'm not making changes
not making a life
I'm not what you think of me
not that girl at all

I am the one behind you
When the path gets too dark
I will be the one you see
When you want to turn back
I will be standing there
When you need a hand

I'm not next to you
because you can do this on your own
I'm not next to you
because I know you don't really need me
I'm not next to you
because I'm standing right behind you

So I will be the one you see
when all you want to do is turn back
And I want to be"the one"
that helps you through the dark
So I will have that hand
When you need one to hold

X

Getting Better

I don't scare myself anymore. The same thoughts that used to freak me out, I now find really exciting & ok, maybe only a TINY bit scary.

I'm looking forward to the next x years that we're together, however many that might be.

I thought over what I meant when I said 'someone like you' the other day. I realised I meant someone with potential, someone with a future. Someone who would ask about my day, then listen & care. Someone who could listen to my dreams & be encouraging. Someone who would allow themselves to think a few years in the future & be just as excited as I am. Someone who loves me, for me & is still tough enough to hold their own with me.

That ok by you?

X

Dear You

I thought I'd let you know that...


mmk?

X

Thirty3 Weeks

and counting... I calculated the number of days while I was bored at work the other day. Two hundred and sixty something... I think thirty3 weeks is far easier to handle.

This week I wished the time difference would be less, that way, if I wanted to talk to you, I could just call and I wouldn't have to plan it so much around break times, and when we're both awake. Although, 4 o'clock in the morning seems to be good for me, I'm generally awake most nights.

BUT, I did get to speak to you last night, so I'm happy for the rest of the day. I love you. You know what that means.

X

I Didn't Write This One

You need to listen to the video as you read this.

"I want to be a lost poem in a stranger's coat pocket,
that conveys the importance of you.
To assure you of my desire, to assure you of dreams.
I want all the possibilities of you in writing.
I want to give you your reflection, I want your eyes on me,
I want to travel to the lightness with you and stay there,
and I want everything before you to follow us like a trail behind me.
I want never to say goodbye to you, even on the street corner or the phone.
I want, I want so much I'm breathless.
I want to put my power into a poem
to burn a hole in your pocket so I can sew it.
I want my words to scream through you.
I want the poem not to mean that much.
And I want to contradict myself by accident,
and for you to know what I mean.
I want you to be distant and for me to feel you close,
I want endless days when it's day and, nighttime never to end when it's night.
I want all the seasons in one day.
I want the sun to set before us and come up in front of us.
I want water up to our waists and to be drenched by the rain,
up to our ankles with holes in our shoes.
I want to think your thoughts because they're mine.
I want only what's urgent with you.
I want to get in the way of the barriers and
I want you to be a tough guy when you're supposed to,
like you do already, when you're supposed to.
And I want you to be tender, like you do already.
And I want us to have met for a reason and
I want that reason to be important.
And I want it to be bigger than us,
I want it to take over us.
I want to forget. I want to remember us.
And when you say you love me
I don't want to think you really mean New York City,
and all the fun we have in it.
And I want your smile always, and your grimaces too.
I want your scar on my lips,
and I want your disappointments in my heart.
I want your strength in my soul and I want your soul in my eyes.
I want to believe everything you say, and I do.
And I want you to tell me what's best when I don't know.
And when you're lost I want to find you.
And when you're weary, I want to give you steeples
and cathedral thoughts and coliseum dreams.
I want to drag you from the darkness
and kneel with you exhausted with the blinding light blaring on us... and..."

-chelsea walls

X

Seriously

from here

X

In 5 Years Time

When I first heard this song, it was the end of January. I was driving home from work and I can still remember exactly where I was. It was after we'd been to the Retro Markets, and the tiny little crush had started. I remember how the lyrics fit, especially when it got to "I'm always pretty happy when I'm just kicking back with you" it was simple but it was true.

When it got the last verse, I was amazed at how spot on it was. That was exactly what I was doing. I was imagining all these things we'd do together, and who knew, maybe they would come true, maybe they wouldn't.

Oh, well in 5 years time
We could be walking around a zoo

With the sun shining down over me and you

And there will be love in the bodies of the elephants too

And I'll put my hands over your eyes but you'll peek through

And there will be sun sun sun all over our bodies

And sun sun sun all down our necks

And there will be sun sun sun all over our faces

And sun sun sun so what the heck

'Cos I'll be laughing at all your silly little jokes

And we'll be laughing about how we used to smoke

All those stupid little cigarettes and drink stupid wine

'Cos it's what we needed to have a good time

But it was fun fun fun when we were drinking

And it was fun fun fun when we were drunk

And it was fun fun fun when we were laughing

And it was fun fun fun, oh it was fun

Oh, well I'll look at you and say it's the happiest I've ever been

And I'll say I know how you feel, I have to be James Dean

And she'll say yeah well I feel oh pretty happy too

And I'm always pretty happy when I'm just kicking back with you

And it'll be love love love all through our bodies

And it'll be love love love all through our minds

And it'll be love love love all over her face

And love love love all over mine

And though really all these moments are just in my head

I'll be thinking about them as I'm lying in bed

And I know that really it might not even come true

But in my mind I'm having a pretty good time with you

Oh in 5 years time I might not know you

In 5 years time we might not speak

In 5 years time we might not get along

In 5 years time you might just prove me wrong

Oh there will be love love love wherever you go

Noah & the Whale

Maybe in five years, these will be memories... rather than dreams.

No Wonder It Hurts

~home is where the heart is~

So seeing as mine has left me & taken up residence with someone else, you'll have to excuse my discomfort until I am home.

I find this adorably sweet, and ever-so-true.

X

X

Strange

It's as simple as that really. I never believed in them until you came along. I love you baby.
Amanda, you goose, there are no more hidden messages. I love you too.
X

Thirty4 Weeks

Wow, 5 weeks down, it's flown hasn't it? Hopefully the next thirty4 (*chokes*) go just as quick!

This is getting easier. I know it is.

This relationship is almost perfect, you have your life and I have mine. We have our own jobs, own friends, our own routines. But we also have this part of us that belongs to the other, so we both know, that on the other side of the world someone is thinking of us.

Almost perfect.

But the things that make it perfect, are it's imperfections.


X

Nutter

A little part of me thinks you're crazy.

I like that part of you.

Cause that's the part that loves me.

I feel like I'm running out of things to say.

I'd say I'm getting used to this, but my actions betray me.

I'd say you're a fool, but you'd tell me to hush.

I'd say I'm fine, but you know when I'm lying.

I'd say I'm smiling right now, and you'd know that I am.

I'd say I love you, but I've told you before.
Minty, I thought you said you wouldn't check.
X

Endless List

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