(02<3/90 x) ... Define x

I have this friend right?
We're kinda close,
but not really.

You see, we were never meant to happen-
I was quite happy being single
and he wasn't here for long.

But somehow after each time we caught up
I'd get all girly with my friends
And we'd go back and forth
Trying to figure out whether there were signs
or if he was just being friendly.

There was never anything obvious
but there were some small signs;

The hugs at the end of the night
the not cutting his hair
the string

As soon as anyone else was around
things weren’t quite so clear:
we didn't talk so much
I didn't get that hug goodbye

But no, couldn't get involved
by this stage I'd been told not to
and there was nothing unclear about that.

I did very well I thought
followed all the rules, mostly
All I knew, regardless of how he felt,
was that I'd become attached to him.

We talked about how he’d be when he left
What he’d do when he went home
We had it all sorted

What I would do was never discussed
It was assumed I’d be okay
I did that. I assumed I’d be okay

You see, I didn’t think much of it
Yeah I liked him; it didn’t click just how much.

Two and a half weeks before he left,
I came clean. And so did he.

How? I slipped my hand into his
He didn’t let go.
Olie those last two lines are my favourites. I keep looking at them over and over and over. I love you. I wish you could hear me say that. It means more than you know.
X